To no one’s surprise, the latest video game adaptation A Minecraft Movie is a complete mess writes Carter Smith
I should have known better. I should have saved myself the trouble. I knew nothing good would have come from going, but I did it anyway.
No amount of words could describe how painfully terrible and pointless A Minecraft Movie is. It’s impressively bad. I went into the film with no expectations and still came out disappointed.
There is such a lack of effort and creativity on show here; it’s laughable. Which is crazy considering it’s adapting a game known for its endless possibilities and limitless imagination.
A Minecraft Movie, directed by Napoleon Dynamite’s Jared Hess, is a complete mess. But you knew that already.
Jack Black is the titular Steve. He is fed up with his life and the restrictions that come with it. In an attempt to escape from the routine he is trapped in, he decides to run away to the mines, where he discovers a portal to the Overworld.
Through some wacky shenanigans, a term I use loosely, siblings Henry (Sebastian Hansen) and Natalie (Emma Myres), along with washed-up gamer Garrett (Jason Momoa) and animal worker Dawn (Danielle Brooks), end up being trapped in the Overworld, where they must team up with Steve to return home.
Just rewriting the plot made me audibly groan.
I get it was made for kids; the target demographic was clearly not for 20-year-olds. But as someone who spent an unhealthy amount of time playing the game growing up, there was barely anything to latch onto outside of nostalgia.
I would have been able to forgive this, but even the kids in my cinema- and my screening was full- didn’t seem like they were having a good time, and I don’t blame them.
There was no enjoyment in the air, just a room of people regretting every decision that led them to that room.
The film feels like it was made for infants, which is my only guess as to why everything, no matter how basic, is explained. Show, don’t tell is clearly a technique these screenwriters had never heard of.
I like Jack Black, but his over-the-top explanations every five seconds became so irritating, which, on top of how annoyed I was already, is not a good mix. The rest of the cast is passable, which is a miracle considering they don’t have much to play with.
Momoa, on the other hand, actually does well. He could have easily phoned it in, but he fully commits to the role, which is commendable and about the only positive I could think of.
The only other being the overworld. It’s appealing to look at, and it’s the only thing that seems like it had effort put in.There are patchy bits of CGI here and there, mainly the uncanny creatures that act as an obstacle for the group, but it helps bring some substance to the film.
But what annoyed me the most, more than the unnecessary Jack Black song and the other hundreds of things that were terrible, was a line towards the end. A line so egregious that I considered not only walking out of the cinema but starting a new career altogether.
“First we mine, then we craft.” Are we joking? Is this all one big joke at our expense? That’s the best you could think of? Are we sure this wasn’t written by AI? Why does this exist? Seriously, who thought this would be a good idea? I can’tbelieve it’s going to make so much money.
I am a broken man. A Minecraft Movie has broken me.
- A Minecraft Movie is available to buy on various streaming platforms
